Philomena's First SunflowerLast night I slept terribly. I should know better, but I watched a DVD before going to bed, and I really do need to be more mindful of the content. It's just that while Anthony is away, I tend to try to fit in some time to watch DVD's, as I rarely watch any television these days.
Last night's instalment was 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas'. You probably already know basically what it is about, but this the basic plot as per the link..."Set during World War II, a story seen through the innocent eyes of Bruno, the eight-year-old son of the commandant at a concentration camp, whose forbidden friendship with a Jewish boy on the other side of the camp fence has startling and unexpected consequences. "
It was an unexpected ending (as the plot alludes to), and one that left me feeling quite hollow and empty. Stories coming out the holocaust are never really uplifting, but these sorts of stories though they can put things into perspective, can also leave you wondering about the human races' penchant for creating suffering for others.
The quote is the intro to the DVD. Not only did I think it described well, a child's innocence and subsequent initiation to the selfishness, cruelty, and debauchery of adults during the holocaust (in particular, inside the concentration camps), but I thought how well the quote describes that passage from childhood into adulthood in modern times.
I was talking with a friend last night about the upcoming reuinon, as to becoming a mother, and how this for the majority, is the most influential and life changing period of our lives, and adds such a depth and dimension to our lives that we could never have imagined.
Anyway...lying in bed I was, unable to fall asleep and turning things over in my mind. Philomena was lying next to me (which she often does when Anthony is away) and I was listening to her breathing and reached out to touch her little fingers and warm hands.
I was thinking of the movie and how children are so oblivious to what is obvious to you and I, only seeing the world as living in a polyanna existence. And here we are, the 'supposed' adults, so ready to strip them of their innocence and wonder, in our bid to help them 'grow up' and mature.
Then I started to think of Philomena going to prep next year, and the experiences she's already had with bullying, disppointment, hurtful people, ignorance, rudeness, obscenities, etc, etc.
I've been thinking of how I can help prepare Philomena for the 'big, bad, world' out there. As they get older, your ability to be there for them is just not possible and in reality, not helpful to them growing and maturing. So I'm thinking of ways that I can teach her or pass on ways that she can protect herself when I am not there.
The problem is, there is only so much you can tell your children at this age. You want them to be wary of strangers and the deceit of other children and adults, but on the same token, you want to preserve their innocence and their beautiful, carefree and friendly natures. You don't want to them live in constant fear, because as we all know, this only proves to restrict them and stifle their growth, and enjoyment of everything that life has to offer.
I've starting explaining about 'stranger danger' and I've even been impelled to show her a couple of self-protection techniques when she was exposed to bullying from a (not-so-small) boy in her previous daycare. I've also tried to explain to her about bullying and about the need to protect herself, and why some children/people do what they do.
Trying to tell Philomena that there are people who do 'bad things', is such a difficult thing to do. She saw the cover of 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas', and asked if she could watch it, because she saw the picture of children on the front. It was the most difficult thing for me to try and explain that it was a movie for adults, to which she responded by badgering me and asking me what the film was about. I tried to explain her the best I could about 'Wars' and that people do terrible things to each other in war. She then asked, "even to children?". To which I replied with a look of forlorn..."Yes, even to children".
Last week there was an article in the courier mail about the increase of sexual assault in primary schools! With these sorts of stories and everything else to contend with out there, is it any wonder that parents of today fear for the safety and well-being of their children?
So I've been thinking of how I can help Philomena to become confident and strong, without taking away her innocence and love-of-life, because she is such a little butterfly. She loves people and her ability to bring sunshine and happiness to those she comes into contact with, is not lost on me. And I want her to always be herself and not be afraid to share her warmth with others. But I want her also to have the ability to be strong and assertive too, if ever the need arose.
I've always had in the back of my mind to teach Philomena martial arts when she was old enough. I think that time is fast approaching, and I will now consider how I go about doing just that. It will also be a way for me to reconnect with the 'love-of-my-life, i.e. martial arts, at a deeper level again, and it will be something that we can share and enjoy together as mother and daughter.
I'm kind of looking forward to seeing her grow and learn with the martial arts, just as I enjoyed watching the little ones grow and learn when I taught children martial arts many moons ago.
So I awoke this morning with a renewed hope, and even though sometimes the thought of all the horrible things that can happen and what adults do to children, can be overwhelming, I still believe that you should always have the best expectations in life, and so should our children.
Hi there. This was a good post to read. I hate to tell you this but this worry doesn't stop - even when they are 28 years of age. I think you are one step ahead because you are thinking about it and not just making random choices. Funny thing is that we protect them from places and times that we think there could be danger and then danger rears it's ugly head in the most seemingly harmless place. So that is why your idea of self defence is a good one. Being able to protect ones self but at the same time as having the awesome disipline that goes with martial arts would be only a benefit. As you know she will be taught the correct use and all those years you spent teaching my boys has come in handy so much over their lives. The other thing to teach is self confidence and a trusting ability in themselves as people to speak up for themselves. Yes they make mistakes along the way and maybe say the wrong thing but that is how they learn. Alexia at the age of only 18 is extremely well spoken and can stand up for herself and her rights. She likes herself and trusts herself and her decisions. I was only talking to Mick tonight about the need for self confidence and trusting oneself and learning to make decisions and sticking by those decisions and that in our education system they fail miserably at this if the child doesn't fit their round peg. Good Luck Kerry. Cheers, Wendy
ReplyDeleteHi Wendy. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Yes, I figured as much that the worry doesn't stop, it just changes. I know we can't protect them from every danger. It's impossible to know where threats can come from. I think we can only try to equip them with some basic knowledge, skills and resources and sensibilities, and trust they have the capacity to solve their own problems and handle the unexpected in their own way.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy in the knowledge that the time your boys spent doing martial arts has been of use to them. As an instructor, your hope is always that what they learn is of benefit, not just from a 'self-defence' point of view, but also in the hope that they've become better people in the game of life.
I also agree with you on the point of teaching them self confidence and trusting in their ability in themselves. Also that they view mistakes as an opportunity to learn. Alexia sounds like a very grounded and articulate young girl. You must be proud of her. It's a shame I never got to know her, like I did your boys.
And lastly...yes, the education does fail in a number of ways, especially those that don't fit the system. I don't know what it's like now, however I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. I think nowadays there's too much onus placed on the education system and the teachers to mould our children, when the influence should be by the parents. It's the teachers job to educate, and ours to help shape and guide them. Thanks again, Wendy. I always value your input.
Kerry XOX